I wasn't nervous at the auction last Saturday. I was icy cool. I'd been nervous the week before, but on the day, nothing or very well hidden subconsciously.
True, I'd had a moment's panic on the Friday at the possibility of it not selling, but that thought was so ridiculous I was able to squash it. It would sell, but for how much?
When I was doing prac teaching as a student I was much the same. Comments were always made about no nerves. They were there, but I could conceal them.
Well, the facade fell apart. I slept very little that night, wasn't thinking about it, just couldn't sleep. I think I had about two hours sleep. Yesterday I was a bit of a wreck because of no sleep. Today, there's been a letdown and things have caught up. I've done quite a bit but have felt exhausted. I've been surprised at the memories dredged up by the sale of the house. I was over him a very long time ago really and should have made my move probably five years before I did. I don't think he'll cope well with the move while I have moved twice in three years. Seeing the house as he had it was a huge disappointment but since the sale I've been seeing the boys as babies there, remembering the good times. There were good times. Even my sons acknowledge their childhood and early teens was good and then things went wrong. I really think there are at least two major mental problems, but he'll never acknowledge that. Memories of happy camping holidays, visitors, family dinners have all come rushing back.
I think that tomorrow will be a "me" day. A much needed day. Not sure what I'll do, it depends a lot on the weather. If it's good, I may go for a ferry ride. Something different. Pack my fairly neglected shawl knitting and get out of the house here.
I was thankful for the weather on the day. It was a beautiful morning on the day of the auction, sunny and mild. Then we had a deluge of a thunderstorm out of nowhere just a few hours later. I'm glad that held off. I've been thinking a lot about the future but I'll try to give that a break. It will be twelve weeks before settlement an d while I need to consider plans, the particulars of any real estate I look at now, will probably be quite different in that time. If any pace I like is still on the market after Christmas, I may be able to get it for less. January is typically a dead season here for both new jobs and selling houses.
So some TLC by me, for me seems to be in order.